Step back, but be there!

In the not-so-good old days when I was a boy, very few of us had the opportunity to participate in organised sports before high school. Improvised or pick-up games were the norm. But it was on those less-than-ideal playing fields, with beat up balls and no clear boundary markings, that I learned lessons that served me well in school, as a basketball star in college and in my professional work. In these pick-up games, we learned to self-determine fair and foul, modify rules to fit situations, balance teams for keen competition, practice leadership, and settle disputes.

Equally important, through these improvised games we developed principles and personal qualities. These qualities required us to learn a variety of skills unrelated to sports which helped us manage work, friendships, careers, marriages and indeed our lives.

Because of the abundance of organised sports opportunities available in the 21st century, our children and grandchildren can never go back to the era of pick-up games. Therefore, we must ensure their sports experiences offer them opportunities to learn the life skills necessary to succeed in vocations other than sports. Adults (parents, coaches and administrators) must take care that none of their acts of commission or omission will impede the development of the skills required for success in school and life beyond academia. We need to learn to “step back, but be there”.

As life becomes increasingly complicated, parents are obliged to play a protective role in their children’s lives for much longer periods of time than was the case in earlier generations. While it’s difficult to control the demands life makes on children, we can do a better job of preparing them to take on the responsibilities of adulthood.

What are the attributes our children need to meet crucial challenges of the future? And how can we shape their sports experiences to develop these qualities? Here are some examples of initiatives parents can take on playing fields and sports arenas to develop resilience, adaptability, responsibility, perseverance, and time management.

Resilience. Setbacks are inevitable in life. Therefore success should not be defined as living life without problems, but in terms of the ability to bounce back and face new challenges with enthusiasm, determination and confidence.

If parents regard mistakes as opportunities to learn, it will prompt children to go beyond their comfort zones. If children understand that mistakes, wrong-turns, bloopers are inevitable, they will view the setbacks as temporary detours on their journey towards realising their dreams.    

Adaptability. By their very nature, sports and games force participants to adapt continually to changing conditions including weather, crowds, differing playing fields, new coaches and teammates. Players and athletes also have to react to the actions of their opponents on the playing field. Developing adaptability is very important in contemporary society where it’s normative to expect the unexpected. On their part, parents need to learn not to blame the weather, crowds, or officials when children fail to achieve their goals, and allow them the excuse of bad conditions for failure.

Responsibility. Unlike youth of a generation or two ago, today’s teenagers have few or no responsibilities at home. Such youngsters need to be helped to learn to take full responsibility for their performance on playing fields.

To prepare children to assume responsibility, parents must avoid monitoring their every activity. Children need to be encouraged to assume full responsibility for achieving their goals without prodding.

Perseverance. Sports provide plenty of opportunities for athletes to chart their progress and learn to celebrate small achievements. Periodic evidence of success along a sportsperson’s journey is essential for developing perseverance which is one of the most important qualities a person can possess for success in sports or life.

Parents need to reward and recognise, and leave the job of offering corrective suggestions to the coach. When children’s performance is below par, parents should be supportive and make positive comments about their effort.

Time management. Every sportsperson is forced to learn time and energy management to be able to devote enough time to schoolwork and chores at home. The duty of responsible parents is to ensure children complete all their schoolwork and family chores even when subject to a demanding sports training schedule. It’s critical that parents don’t bail out children by providing excessive assistance for homework, or by relieving them of household chores and responsibilities.

Organised sports and games are excellent learning grounds for children to acquire life skills for transitioning from youth to adulthood. However, participation in sports alone will not guarantee these life skills are learned. Parents need to be actively involved in the lives of their children to aid and enable them to develop the qualities required for success in sports and adulthood. Yet involvement should stop short of over-protection because in the final analysis, children must learn to make independent decisions and deal with the consequences. Therefore, parents must “step back, but be there”.

(Dr. George A. Selleck is a San Francisco-based advisor to EduSports, Bangalore)